Three years of pity from the remains of Hasmal Circle, as they watched someone who had been so capable struggle to relearn the simplest tasks, had left its mark on him. It wasn't maliciously meant--they simply didn't know any better--and yet it crept into his self-regard all the same, nibbling away at his confidence, leaving him estranged from the people he loved best.
But Van hadn't been there for any of it; he'd been off struggling for his own survival, unaware his cousin had been maimed. It's easy to forget that, with how readily they've fallen back into their old patterns in the past few weeks--but neither of them really fits anymore, do they, into the holes they'd left in each other's lives.
He doesn't like that feeling.
He sighs, pushing a hand through his hair.]
I know. I wasn't hearing you.
[He was listening to his own insecurities and you-can'ts instead.
In light of that Van's defense of him is heartening, even as it wrings a rueful half-believing laugh out of Myr.]
If I'm the best they've got, we're proper fucked next time Corypheus rears his head.
[A beat of a pause.]
He's got a lot of the same ideas you do--Anders, that is. No surprise there. But hasn't thought them through nearly so well.
Wouldn't have been much of a contest except I didn't think I could keep my temper long enough to work through all his assumptions.
no subject
Three years of pity from the remains of Hasmal Circle, as they watched someone who had been so capable struggle to relearn the simplest tasks, had left its mark on him. It wasn't maliciously meant--they simply didn't know any better--and yet it crept into his self-regard all the same, nibbling away at his confidence, leaving him estranged from the people he loved best.
But Van hadn't been there for any of it; he'd been off struggling for his own survival, unaware his cousin had been maimed. It's easy to forget that, with how readily they've fallen back into their old patterns in the past few weeks--but neither of them really fits anymore, do they, into the holes they'd left in each other's lives.
He doesn't like that feeling.
He sighs, pushing a hand through his hair.]
I know. I wasn't hearing you.
[He was listening to his own insecurities and you-can'ts instead.
In light of that Van's defense of him is heartening, even as it wrings a rueful half-believing laugh out of Myr.]
If I'm the best they've got, we're proper fucked next time Corypheus rears his head.
[A beat of a pause.]
He's got a lot of the same ideas you do--Anders, that is. No surprise there. But hasn't thought them through nearly so well.
Wouldn't have been much of a contest except I didn't think I could keep my temper long enough to work through all his assumptions.